Jokes About The News To Share While You Pass The Gravy
If you’re lucky, these laughs might give your racist uncle a massive coronary!
Returning readers of my riotous ramblings may know that I’m a professional humorist, pop culture columnist, and WGA hopeful, spouting sardonic jabs at the week’s silliest headlines in an effort to both replicate Late Night television monologues as well as appeal to their hiring editors.
After taking a little time off from crackin’ wise about the day’s most dizzying dispatches, I figured there’s no better time to provide the masses with high-quality political haranguing than the holiday season.
All 9 previous volumes of the “Jokes About The News” series are available to read here!
Here are a few scathing-hot takes you can hurl across the Thanksgiving table at your least favorite cousin while you choke down a slice of green bean salad.
MovieMaker is here with some hard-hitting reporting regarding 7 horror remakes nobody really needed.
Claiming the top spot: A genocide at the Gaza Strip!
Biden believes a deal is close to freeing hostages in Gaza.
Unfortunately he also believes his hair’s not thinning, gas is 12 cents a gallon, and it’s still 1959.
George Foreman has revealed his extensive car collection for your viewing pleasure.
And if you think the headlights look good, you need to check out the grilles!
Virginia restaurant which famously kicked out Sarah Huckabee Sanders in 2018 has officially closed its doors.
Turns out she was eating for 10.
A shocking listicle reveals 12 things atheists think happen when you die.
Number 1 is rigor mortis, number 2 is in your pants.
Vladimir Putin has been forced to make a humiliating retreat after taking heavy losses in Ukraine. Or, as Putin calls it: Wednesday.
Man with a 0-day work week suggests 3-day work week.
Alt: Bill Gates applauds the possibility of a 3-day work week, where human beings can rest, and robots can do all the hard work of molesting children on Epstein’s island for him.
Ron DeSantis says nominating Trump in 2024 is high risk and low reward.
Sort of like living in a mosquito-infested swamp full of racist baby boomers just to enjoy the beach and some sunlight.
The Fish and Wildlife Service have plans to remove the Apache trout from the threatened species list.
This news comes after the trout allegedly identified information which could lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton.
Legal expert maps out realistic ways Trump can stop all his trials.
I’ve got one expert method in mind as well, and it involves the second amendment.
Ann Coulter skewers ‘illiterate’ Greg Abbott, in a shocking reminder that even a stopped clock can be a stuck-up cunt twice a day.
